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First of all, let’s review a little anatomy.
The opening to your ass is a ring of muscle called the anus. Inside the anus is your anal canal. About two inches beyond your anus is another series of muscles called your sphincter. Your sphincter is the part that keeps the poop where it is supposed to be. Feces is stored in your rectum. Feces is not stored in the anal canal.
The anus has more nerve endings than any one place on the human body. It can be a source of intense pleasure. It is a muscle, so it can relax. Which can make penetration fun.
The important thing is to enjoy yourself. Don’t have goal-oriented sex. If one night you enjoy having your anus massaged and one night you enjoy having your ass pounded with an enormous dick, remember, one isn’t better than the other. The important part is that you and your partner both feel good.
The anus and the areas inside of the anus are delicate and can tear if not treated properly. The key is lube. And communication. Lots of it. Put down a towel and go to town.
Start of with some lube and gentle massage. Or with a bit of rimming (also sometimes called analingus). If you feel uncomfortable putting your tongue directly on your partner’s anus, try using a dental dam. (for info on how to use a dental dam, see our safer sex section)
Before you touch an ass, make sure that your fingernails are short and smooth. If you have long nails you may want to try using a latex glove. Put cotton balls in the ends of the fingers, then put the gloves on. It is very important that you keep the anus safe and free from tears in the skin.
You can play with your ass all by yourself or with a partner. If you are playing with a partner, the person receiving the sensation needs to keep the other informed about how the sensation feels. That may mean talking, using body language, moaning or other signals. If something feels uncomfortable, let your partner know. Anal sex is not supposed to hurt. It’s supposed to feel good.
When you feel nice and warmed up, you can move on to a little bit of penetration. First try penetration with a finger or other small object. Let your body get used to it. If you like, keep increasing the size. Make sure to keep adding lube. If you begin to penetrate more deeply, you want to make sure that the lube is everywhere that you are penetrating. And don’t forget, if you’re playing with a partner make sure you keep communicating. If it hurts, stop, ease back a little. The person receiving the penetration is ultimately the one in control. If they need to stop or go slower (or faster) that’s what needs to happen.
Everyone’s anus relaxes in different ways. Many of us carry a lot of our tension in our ass. Some days, when you’re already really relaxed, your anus will relax more quickly. Other days, if you come into the experience carrying a lot of tension (you had a bad day, your dog just ate your favorite pair of shoes, you had a fight with your boss), your anus will not relax as quickly – and may not be ready to relax much at all.
If you decide to penetrate an ass with an object make sure that the object has smooth edges and a flared base. A flared base can keep a toy from disappearing into your ass. The contractions resulting from excitement can be very powerful. All of those stories you’ve heard about people showing up in the ER with strange things in their butts – some of them are true. So, we suggest penetrating only with body parts or sex toys with flared bases.
A butt plug can be a great toy. A butt plug is a toy designed to insert in the ass and then stay there. You can insert a butt plug and then move on to other forms of play, or go have dinner.
If you want to have penetration with fucking, start slowly (are you seeing a pattern here?). Use a lot of lube and then move slowly. Often dildos and penises are bigger at the base than at the top. Be aware of the size, and move slowly until everyone is comfortable. Once you both are comfortable with the penetration, you can start thrusting. And don’t hesitate to add more lube as you go along. It’s a good idea for the person who is doing the penetrating to keep an eye on the body part or sex toy that is being used. If it starts to get dry, add lube. You don’t have to stop fucking to add more lube. Keep the lube near by and feel free to pour it on at any time.
If you are giving penetration to a male-bodied person, you should consider giving some stimulation to the prostate. The prostate is the male g-spot. It is best stimulated through anal penetration. You can feel the prostate if you put a finger an inch or two inside the anus and reach toward the front of the body. When you touch the prostate it feels a little like a spongy walnut. In order to stimulate the prostate with a toy, you should look for toys that are curved. Prostate stimulation has been shown to be good for the health of male bodied people.
If you are giving penetration to a female-bodied person, it is possible to stimulate the g-spot thru anal penetration. It can be reached inside the anus and toward the front of the person’s body (for more about the g-spot see g-spotting).
If I have anal sex will I poop on my partner?
It’s not likely. Poop is not stored in the area between the anus and the sphincter. Sometimes with deeper penetration, the sphincter is penetrated as well.
At that point, your partner may encounter some poop, but it is unlikely to come out. It is common to feel the urge to go to the bathroom after receiving penetration.
You may, however, encounter a bit of a mess when the lube mixes with the tiny bit of poop left in the anal canal. Just be prepared with a towel over the sheet and don’t worry about it.
Will having anal sex stretch out my anus?
No. The anus is a muscle. As you massage it, the muscle relaxes. The only way anything gets stretched is if it is forced.
Can I get hurt from anal sex?
Yes. But not if you use lots of lube, take your time and always communicate with your partner. The anus and the skin inside the anus, is very fragile skin. It is easy to tear. So it needs to be treated nicely. If you feel pain, you should stop and readjust. As long as you follow those simple guidelines, anal sex is perfectly safe. In fact, exercising the anal muscles is good for you!
Should I use those numbing creams?
NO! Pain is your body’s way of telling you that you need to stop doing something. Anal sex should be pleasurable, fun, and hot but not painful.
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