Anal Sex Basics

Anal Sex Basics

All about the butt!

Ah, the ass. It’s a beautiful area with a bundle of nerves that are capable of providing folks with a ton of pleasure.

The anus is full of sensory nerve receptors - stuff that can feel really good when it’s stimulated. It’s sensitive and good at experiencing sensation. That means it’s also good at feeling pain. So, you need to treat the anus with care and intention. If you take your time and use what you’re about to learn, you can experience a lot of pleasure.

In a minute we’re going to talk about the four questions we get asked the most about anal sex:
1) Does it hurt?
2) What about the poop?
3) Should I use a numbing cream?
4) How do I get started?

First of all, let’s review a little anatomy.

The opening to your ass is called the anus. Inside the anus is your anal canal. There are two muscles, called sphincters. Those muscles are how your body opens and closes your anus. One is the external sphincter, one is the internal. They’re right next to each other at the opening of the anus.

When your body digests food, the left overs go into your intestines, and more nutrients are taken out. The stuff that you don’t need goes to your colon. That’s called feces. Or, more often, poop. When the colon is full, it lets the feces descend into the rectum. Compared to the rest of the intestinal system, the rectum is pretty small. It’s about eight inches long.When your rectum is full, your body sends a signal to the your sphincter and your brain that it’s time to go to the bathroom. Your sphincter and some of your other muscles then allow your body to poop.

Does anal sex hurt?
Anal penetration should never ever hurt. Ever.
There are plenty of ways to stimulate the anus without penetration. You can have fun without ever going inside! Try using massage, vibration or a tongue to stimulate the anus. If you’re using a tongue, you may want to consider using a dental dam as well to prevent any possible exposure to poop or anal bacteria.

If you do want penetration, you need three things:
• lubrication,
• communication and
• patience.

Here’s how it works. The external sphincter is a muscle that you can relax or contract intentionally. The internal sphincter follows along with the external sphincter – it will do whatever the external sphincter does. By intentionally relaxing your muscles, your body can allow penetration. Allowing penetration is about muscle relaxation, not about stretching or forcing. With muscles completely relaxed, the ass can accommodate pretty large objects! But you don’t need to go there for it be fabulous. Start small. Then size down a little bit again. You want to set yourself up for success. As your body learns to see penetration as positive, if you want, you can gradually increase the size of what you’re being penetrated with.

The butt doesn’t make their own lubrication, so, to prevent tearing or hurting the skin, make sure you use plenty of lube.

If you feel pain, it means that you’re going too fast for your body. That happens, it’s easy to get excited and really go for it! However, that pain is a gift from your body. It’s your body letting you know that you need to slow down so that you don’t hurt yourself. Your butt is a super important part of your body. Listen to it. Slowing down just means that you get to spend more time having sex!

What about the poop?
Good question. As we discussed above, up until you have the urge to go the bathroom, your poop is in your colon. It only goes into the rectum when you’re about to poop. As long as you make sure that you don’t need a bathroom, you’re not going to find a bunch of poop inside the rectum.

That doesn’t mean you won’t find any poop. On it’s way out of the body feces passes through the rectum. As a result, there tends to be a little bit of poop left on the walls of the rectum.

If you’re super worried about encountering those trace amounts, we have a few suggestions.

First, before you engage in penetration, take a shower and wash your butt carefully. Take a soapy finger (with short, neatly trimmed nails) and put it right inside the anus. Repeat with a finger that’s just wet (no soap).

Second, consider using gloves during anal play. Gloves will prevent feces from getting on your hands. Gloves are also a great way to protect butts from irritation from hang nails, dry skin, rough cuticles or nails that aren’t perfect.

Third, consider using an anal douche or enema. A douche shoots warm water into your rectum. You hold the water in for a little bit and then release it in the toilet. Doing this will reduce the chances of encountering any trace feces in the rectum. Don’t use anything other than warm water in a douche. Using anything else can cause all kinds of problems.[1] Make sure you leave plenty of time between using a douche and sexual contact. Sometimes you think you’ve emptied out and then you get a surprise!

Should I use numbing cream?
No. You should absolutely 100% not ever use numbing cream.

We get it. Maybe you had anal sex before, it hurt and you don’t want to feel that pain again. Maybe your partner really wants to penetrate you, you want to give them what they want, and you’re scared. In our culture, looking for a way to do things quickly, is often our first response.

The problem is, using a numbing cream could hurt you.

Your butt is important. You use it to every day. It has muscles that need to be in good shape (relaxed, not stretched), and skin that is very sensitive. You need to know if you’re doing something that could cause damage. In addition, numbing cream will also numb anything that goes into your butt. Fingers. Tongues. Penises. Yeah. Not good.

The good news is, if you use lube, and take your time, you won’t need numbing cream. And, you’ll find pleasure along the way.

How do I get started?
Start with making an agreement with yourself. Agree that this is about pleasure. Not about unlocking achievements. You don’t get gold stars for putting something of a certain size in your ass. But, if you listen to your body and follow along with it, you just might get orgasms!

You can play with your ass by yourself or with a partner. If you are playing with a partner, the person receiving the sensation needs to keep the other informed about how the sensation feels. That may mean talking, using body language, moaning or other signals. If something feels uncomfortable, let your partner know. Anal sex is not supposed to hurt. It’s supposed to feel good.

You need lube. Lots of lube.

If you’re using a silicone toy, you’ll want to use a water based lube that’s pretty thick. Three of our favorite water based lubes for anal play are: Sliquid Sassy, Sliquid Sea and Sutil.

If you’re using bodies, glass or metal, you may want to try a silicone lube. Silicone lube will be super slick, you’ll use less of it and it will reduce friction. Our favorite silicone lube for anal play is Uberlube.

Before you touch an ass, make sure that your fingernails are short and smooth or that you’re using a glove. If you have long nails you may want to try using a glove. Put cotton balls on the ends of your fingers, then put the gloves on. It is very important that you keep the anus safe and free from tears in the skin.

Put lube on the anus and use some massage, vibration or oral stimulation.

When you feel nice and warmed up, you can consider penetration. Start small! Start out with a finger or a small butt safe toy. That means it MUST have a flared base - don’t think that you can just hold on to it - butts are capable of sucking things in and then, you’re at the ER.

Let your body get used to the sensation. If you like the feeling, keep increasing the size. Keep adding lube. If you begin to penetrate more deeply, make sure that the lube is everywhere that you are penetrating. If you’re playing with a partner make sure you keep communicating. If you feel any pain, stop, ease back a little. Remember, that pain is a gift from your body. It’s keeping you safe. The person receiving the penetration is the one in control. If they need to stop or go slower (or faster) that’s what needs to happen.

If you decide to penetrate an ass with an object make sure that the object has smooth edges and a flared base. A flared base can keep a toy from disappearing into your ass. When the butt gets excited, it starts contracting and those muscular contractions can be very powerful. All of those stories you’ve heard about people showing up in the ER with random things in their butts – some of them are true! So, avoid the ER and only penetrate only with sex toys with flared bases or with body parts.

A butt plug can be a great toy. A butt plug is a toy designed to insert in the ass and then stay there. You can insert a butt plug and then move on to other forms of play, or go have dinner.

If you want to have anal intercourse, start slowly (are you seeing a pattern here?). Use a lot of lube. Often dildos and penises are bigger at the base than at the top. Be aware of the size, and move slowly until everyone is comfortable. Once you both are comfortable with the penetration, you can start thrusting. Don’t hesitate to add more lube as you go along. It’s a good idea for the person who is doing the penetrating to keep an eye on the body part or sex toy that is being used. If it starts to get dry, add lube. You don’t have to stop fucking to add more lube. Keep the lube near by and feel free to pour it on at any time.

If you are giving penetration to someone with a penis, you should consider giving some stimulation to the prostate. The prostate is the male g-spot. The best way to stimulate it is with anal penetration. You can feel the prostate an inch or two inside the anus and toward the front of the body. You’re in the right place when you feel something that feels a little like a spongy walnut. If you use a toy, look for one with a curve. That curve makes it easy to get the right angle! Receiving prostate stimulation is good for your health!

If you are giving penetration to someone with a vagina, it is possible to stimulate the g-spot thru anal penetration. It can be reached inside the anus and toward the front of the person’s body.

Want to learn more? We learned a lot from these books!

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men

Anal Pleasure and Health

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure





[1] Medicated douches are designed to completely empty your colon. Not only is that unnecessary, but it could you leave you in the bathroom for the entire night.


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